133. Self-Sabotaging Communication Habits

Creating distance when we yearn for closeness can be heartbreaking, especially when our own communication habits may be the root cause of this outcome. In this episode of the Language Alchemy Podcast, host Alejandra Siroka delves into the painful irony of how our unintentional communication patterns can widen the gap with those we wish to feel closer to. The episode focuses on the adverse effects of unconscious, unskillful, and hurtful communication, which impacts not only the receiver but also the communicator and the overall health of the relationship.


Alejandra uses vivid examples to highlight how negative communication can manifest and the repercussions it can have. She discusses scenarios ranging from a parent's judgmental response to their child's actions, which can erode trust and safety, to a coworker's dismissive attitude towards another's discomfort with racist remarks, potentially leading to professional fallout. These examples illustrate how communication can create barriers, breed misunderstanding, and damage the fabric of relationships.


The harm caused by such communication isn’t limited to the receiver; it adversely affects the speaker as well. Alejandra points out that unskillful responses can lead to strained relationships, defensiveness, and even the use of offensive language, creating a cycle of negativity. This not only impacts individual interactions but can also lead to a general deterioration in the quality of the relationship, making it superficial, strained, or even leading to disconnection.


Recognizing these patterns is the first step towards change, and Alejandra encourages listeners to reflect on their communication habits. She offers listeners a quiz to identify self-sabotaging communication habits and a free mini video training to begin addressing these issues. By transforming their communication, individuals can significantly improve both their personal and professional relationships.



• “When your immediate response is to judge, criticize, or shame the other person, the person who's receiving your unskillful or hurtful communication will be affected negatively. And if you keep communicating in ways that have a negative impact, then your kid or that other person will feel unsafe with you. Not only to go to you when they made a mistake or they did something that they feel embarrassed about, but also when they had any kind of deep experience, even experiences of joy.” (3:42 | Alejandra Siroka)

• “When you transform your communication, you transform your life, and when you transform your life, you transform your relationships. On the other side of that truth is that when you communicate unconsciously, unskillfully, or hurtfully, the negative impact is threefold. It affects the person who receives your communication, it affects you, and it affects the relationship.” (9:55 | Alejandra Siroka) 

• “If at this moment you are experiencing that negative impact in your life and in your relationships, then the most honorable thing you can do is to reflect on your communication and choose to do the work to learn to communicate differently in ways.” (10:24 | Alejandra Siroka) 



To take my quiz and identify your self-sabotaging habits click here: https://www.languagealchemy.com/quiz

To listen to podcast #105, Are you Communicating with An Intention or an Agenda? visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcasts/language-alchemy-podcast/episodes/2148007297

To have group coaching with Alejandra, visit:


To work with Alejandra, visit: www.languagealchemy.com/workwithme

To join the Language Alchemy mailing list, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com

To ask questions you'd like Alejandra to answer in the podcast, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion

To find out about 1:1 transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/oneonone

To find out about couple transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/couples

To schedule a reduced-rate coaching consultation with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/newclient

To follow Alejandra on instagram follow @languagealchemy

Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqD


Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm