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Couples Communication Coaching

 

Wish you two could talk about what matters without fighting?

Want to feel more connected to your partner through thick & thin?

Would you like to be heard, understood, and supported especially when you bump up against your different cultural backgrounds and communication styles?

I can help you.

Let's chat!
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I can support you if you're both ready to

 

  • shift communication patterns that lead you to fight, shut down or  avoid one another when you are upset

  • communicate authentically and truthfully with one another, especially during conflicts

  • have healthy conversations about difficult topics

  • open up to a deeper level of listening, loving kindness, and vulnerability

  • make important decisions with shared power 
  • develop a shared value-based vision for your partnership or parenting that is respectful of your different backgrounds, cultures, and language

Danyelle & Tristan

We already knew each other well. We’ve been dating for over a decade, but Alejandra gave us the structure and the tools to better communicate, express our love, and deal with hardships.

Spending time with Alejandra was an essential part of our growth as a couple on a journey that will continue for a long time. Her words and advice have been so helpful in our marriage.  So much gratitude for Alejandra’s work and her care!

Tara & Craig

My husband and I were having difficulties with communicating – we had married later in life and were “married” to our own individual way of doing things.

Alejandra helped us learn to listen to what each other was actually saying and what we were interpreting from those statements to find what the other person was truly trying to communicate. Her calmness and her ability to listen have helped us transform patterning in our own behaviors and speak and support each other which has led to having a better and healthier marriage.

Outcomes you can achieve

It's such a privilege to support and witness two people in partnership connect deeply with warmth, openness, and respect.  To give you an idea, here are some of the beautiful abilities I've seen couples accomplish in our work together:

  • Communicating with each other with empathy, compassion and without accusatory or demeaning language

  •  Expressing individual and collective needs skillfully before tension builds up rather than sweeping important conversations under the rug, shutting down, or fostering resentment towards one another

  • Experiencing each other’s differences and sensitivities as strengths and growth opportunities

  • Treating one another with respect and emotional maturity

  • Navigating conflicts in ways that lead to increased understanding, intimacy, and connection
  • Choosing to develop shared power instead of having unhelpful and unconscious power imbalances
Book a free 45-minute consultation

What's the Language Alchemy coaching process like?

Here are three proven steps to help you experience more connection and harmony.

Schedule a 45-minute free consultation

You and your partner chat with me on video about your specific communication challenges, needs, and goals.

 

Receive a customized couple communication coaching plan

I develop a clear roadmap for your partnership with a list of specific communication tools to succeed in your goals.

 

Learn communication tools deepen your connection

You learn to transform unhelpful communication dynamics without having to leave home. Sessions are via Zoom.

We're ready for a consultation

Ellen & Ted

When we worked with Alejandra, we had been together for more than 11 years, married for 8 of those. Although we were both deeply committed to each other, we found ourselves drifting apart, feeling like we were roommates more than spouses, sharing space but not life.

We were disconnecting because we didn't know how to communicate when we were in conflict without feeling like we were putting the relationship itself in jeopardy, or hurting one another and causing a great deal of stress - which neither of us wanted to do.

So, instead, we fell into a pattern of simply avoiding conversations that could lead to any conflict, and in general communicating less and less.

Alejandra helped us cultivate a set of shared tools to have difficult conversations in a way that strengthened, rather than damaged or weakened our connection, that reaffirmed our love and desire to be in connection, even in disagreement.

Her tools gave us a compass to navigate back to that underlying foundation of love and desire for connection, even when we felt lost in the woods of our differences.

Moreover, our ability to skillfully handle conflict with others outside of our relationship has grown by leaps and bounds in the years since we worked with her as well.

It really was one of the best investments we've made in our relationship to date.

Amanda & Michael

 

We began working with Alejandra to gain clarity and set our intentions for our marriage after Amanda had worked with her for a year.

Through our couple communication coaching sessions, we refined our understanding of what we thought we wanted out of a marriage and what we truly wanted. 

Alejandra gave us the support and space we needed to have difficult and sensitive conversations with each other. 

Through her intuitive and skilled facilitation, we learned how to ask ourselves and each other questions with curiosity and openness.

That was over 5 years ago and we come back to the work we did every year when we review those intentions when we celebrate our anniversary.

Having an understanding of our individual and shared value-based intentions as a baseline for starting our marriage gave us confidence and clarity of exactly what our commitment meant to each other.  It made our commitment stronger and joyful.

Each year we rely on those conversations to understand our values, vision, and intentions.

These important conversations help us recommit to one another with the same clarity of intention. Having these communication tools we can use again and again help our love and connection grow.

 

Approaches & Modalities you'll benefit from

These are the components integrated into Language Alchemy coaching:

  • EMPATHY: I listen to you with full attention and non-judgment and put myself in your shoes to see life from your perspective.
  • RESPECT: I honor your inner knowing. You have the capacity to develop the communication skills to express who you are as an adult.
  • REFLECTION: I offer reflections using techniques from NVC (Non-Violent Communication), NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) and Mindfulness.
  • COMPASSIONATE SOMATIC INQUIRY PROCESSES:  If you want long-lasting transformation, it's important to engage in compassionate understanding that includes all the parts of who you are and how you communicate. I guide you and teach you powerful processes from yoga, non-dualistic eastern philosophies, NLP. NVC, Buddhist psychology, somatic practices, meditation, neuroscience and Ayurveda.
  • ACCOUNTABILITY: I keep you accountable and committed to your communication goals. I track your journey and celebrate your growth.

How's couples communication coaching different from couples therapy?

While both coaching and psychotherapy can lead to deep connection and transformation with self and others, there are big differences.

Coaching

  • The focus is on understanding your present experience and your desired goals and developing the skills to reach them
  • Coaching is action-oriented.
  • At the end of each session, you will have an action to experiment with in between sessions
  • Your attention is on the how
  • Coaching can be therapeutic but it doesn't diagnose or treat mental disorders

Psychotherapy

  • The focus is on understanding your life history and how your past environments and circumstances led you to your present issues
  • Psychotherapy is process-oriented
  • You usually reflect and process your lives to understand why things are the way they are
  • Your attention is on the why
  • Psychotherapy can effectively diagnose and treat diagnosable disorders

Language Alchemy is not psychotherapy, but deep transformational communication coaching. This alchemical journey leads to deep connection, understanding, and compassion for yourself and others.

When you transform your unconscious communication limitations, you are able to express yourself authentically. your authentic expression allows you to thrive in life and relationships.

Many of my clients tried psychotherapy before and are drawn to coaching instead; others find our work to be an excellent complement to psychotherapy. Several of my clients are psychotherapists in practice and training.

David S.

My partner and I were having difficulties over my sexual desires for other people. Neither of us wanted to sweep it under the rug.

I did learn a valuable lesson during our sessions that I continue to share: the power of speaking for myself. It is me that is feeling what I am feeling - others are not causing it.

By disassociating my feelings from others, I can find more clarity and take responsibility for my actions. This also helps me develop a constructive dialogue which whoever I am with.

I understand now that  'cross talk' and listening to another with a personal agenda are not helpful.

Even though we ended the partnership, the awareness Alejandra helped cultivate in me has deepened my relationships and enriched my inner world.

Shane W.

Arguments were creating distance between us around one year into our relationship. We wanted a better way to resolve conflicts.

After working with Alejandra, I got more comfortable directly stating my needs to my partner.

When I spoke directly, my girlfriend and I were able maintain more intimacy in our time spent together. We got closer because I was more comfortable with showing myself.

This work has helped me center myself into my body and get out of my head. I'm more calm and grounded.

Now, I am able to speak more directly about my needs to others without fear of being rejected or judged. This practice has helped me get more of what I want in my life and in my relationships.

Scott

I was impressed by the powerful insights that Alejandra expressed about how language and psychology are so deeply related.

I learned that when I am under stress I think in a language that is deeply conditioned by my early life experiences and often doesn't represent the values that I aspire to uphold in all my relationships.

Working with Alejandra has helped me to shift some very deep and unconscious patterns of communication and this has benefitted my capacity to communicate personally and professionally.

One of the best discoveries that working with Alejandra has yielded is to be more patient and compassionate with others when they are trying to communicate deeply held beliefs or during emotionally charged exchanges.

You too can have the deep and conscious relationship you most want when you learn to communicate with clarity, confidence, and compassion.

Let's talk!