120. Why We Fight: The Role of Our Internal Dialogue in Conflict

Are you tired of getting caught up in conflicts and struggling to communicate without reactivity? In this episode, Alejandra Siroka delves into the relationship between our internal dialogue and its effects during conflicts. She introduces listeners to the concept of non-duality and the dangers of dehumanizing language.


What is non-duality? In simple terms, it means that we are interconnected and not separate from each other. You feel a confluence of emotions, a sense of harmony, and a deep understanding of our shared humanity. The beautiful state of non-duality is easily disrupted when conflicts arise.


At these moments, we often react by creating a self-other split in our minds. This split involves using language that separates oneself from the other person, positioning them as opposites. For example, if a partner drives too fast for your comfort level, the self-other split may lead one to label yourself as cautious and safe, and your partner as called dangerous and careless. This oppositional stance creates an enemy image of the other person, leading to further conflict.


One of the most significant dangers of the self-other split is the use of dehumanizing language such as unkind labels when describing the other person in your internal dialogue. This dehumanization not only harms the other person but also conflicts with our inherent values of compassion and empathy. 


Recognizing the impact of this language and connecting with one's relational values, enables us to choose to communicate with kindness, maturity, and confidence, even during conflicts. Alejandra encourages listeners to reflect on their own internal dialogue and seek support if needed to develop these communication skills. By understanding the self-other split and the dangers of dehumanizing language, you can take steps towards resolving conflicts with compassion and empathy. Through conscious communication, even conflicts can be transformed into opportunities for growth, understanding, and connection.



• "When you have an enemy image of the other person, one of the most common things that happens is that you use dehumanizing language in your mind to describe that other person." (09:43 | Alejandra Siroka) 

• "When you use dehumanizing language to talk about another human being who, like you, has capacities and limitations, beautiful qualities and shortcomings, you treat that person in ways that are in complete conflict with your own values." (11:18 | Alejandra Siroka) 

• "When you allow yourself to use dehumanizing language, you give yourself a pass to be unkind, hurtful and harmful.”

• “If you are having lots of conflicts, if you now know that you do have the habit of using dehumanizing language, of creating an enemy image in your mind, having that oppositional stance, and having a language that makes you good and the other bad, the self-other split, then get support to work on this.” (18:22 | Alejandra Siroka)


Language Alchemy Podcast episode #90: A Must-Have Communication Tool to Transform Your Life and Relationships, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcasts/language-alchemy-podcast/episodes/2147912256

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Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqD


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