94. This Is How You Avoid Conflicts

“The remedy, when you realize you're heading into conflict, is to, number one, find the misunderstanding. And number two, communicate clearly and directly,” explains host Alejandra. According to Linguists, 85% of all conflicts are based on misunderstandings. Today, Alejandra discusses how to avoid unintentional conflicts by explaining the four reasons why these misunderstandings happen.


When conflicts occur in a relationship, it can typically be traced back to a misunderstanding. If you are unclear in your words, desires, or intentions, this may lead the person you are speaking with to misunderstand you. By working on communicating more clearly, you can avoid these conflicts. Some additional sources of misunderstanding come from misinterpreting someone’s words or actions as hurtful, assuming ill intent on behalf of the other person, and not clearly outlining who is responsible for what action. For example, if your partner says they will be home soon, and then they are not home until very late that night, you might be upset. However, your definition of ‘soon’ may be different from theirs, and the misunderstanding lies in not having communicated clear expectations.


Most conflicts are caused by misunderstandings. By learning to communicate with clarity and directness, you can avoid at least 10 conflicts a day. Determining the source of the misunderstanding is step one in resolving any current conflict. Pair that with communicating clearly and directly, and you are on your way to clearer communication and healthier relationships. 



• “Most conflicts happen because of a misunderstanding.” (3:09-3:13 | Alejandra) 

• “Sometimes, and this is perhaps the most common way misunderstandings happen, we simply don't communicate clearly.” (6:25-6:33 | Alejandra)

• “Misunderstandings also happen when someone says something that was not meant to hurt you in any way, but the way you heard it does evoke hurt in you, because what the other person said or didn't say or didn't do didn't meet your unspoken expectations.” (7:36-7:58 | Alejandra)

• “The remedy, when you realize you're heading into conflict, is to, number one, find the misunderstanding. And number two, communicate clearly and directly.” (11:10-11:24 | Alejandra)

• “While it's simple to use clear, specific and direct language, or share our expectations in advance, communicating clearly can be uncomfortable.” (13:13-13:24 | Alejandra)


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