93. The Role of Equity in Intimate Relationships

“You are communicating equity with your partner when both of you respect and value each other's communication styles,” explains host Alejandra, transformative communication teacher and coach. Today, Alejandra discusses the value of communicating equity in your intimate relationship. She shares 10 indicators to evaluate whether there is equity within your current relationship as well as six ways to know when equity is lacking.


When there is a lack of equity within a couple, this often leads to the breakdown of the relationship. Relationships thrive on healthy communication that accounts for mutual respect. To communicate with equity, consider your partner’s emotional landscape and communication style before approaching them for a discussion. If you notice that there is a lack of respect in your partnership, or you feel like one of you is not having your communication needs considered, then that could be a sign that equity is missing. 


A healthy and mature partnership exists when the couple communicates with equality and equity from a place of shared power. If you and your partner take the time to consider each other’s individual needs and preferences while communicating, then you likely have equity in your intimate relationship. 



• “While equality is a beautiful value because everybody has access to the same thing, it might not be enough.” (3:49-3:56 | Alejandra)

• “You are communicating equity with your partner when both of you respect and value each other's communication styles.” (8:08-8:15 | Alejandra)

• “When there's an absence of equity in the communication with your partner, you or your partner make fun of, disrespect, or devalue each other's needs, experiences, feelings, communication styles, cultural practices, trauma, information processing style, decision making style, social interaction levels. And you or your partner hold all of the above against each other.” (10:02-10:33 | Alejandra)

• “When a couple I worked with broke up, it was usually because of lack of equity in the relationship.” (12:06-12:11 | Alejandra) 



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Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI

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