62. The Gifts of Anger
“When you communicate any feeling skillfully, it is because you have been able to connect to its gifts,” explains host Alejandra. Although anger is a complex emotion to experience, there are many rewards for successfully communicating it. Today, Alejandra lays out how to adequately express this feeling and better understand our needs as a result.
Often when we feel anger, we do not reflect on the messages this emotion is trying to tell us. However, if we take a beat to understand this feeling, we can determine our desires that are currently being unfulfilled. Whether we long for peace, safety, or autonomy, if we listen to our anger, we can become conscious of what we need to do to move forward.
If we communicate our anger skillfully, we can benefit from its gifts. Learn more about the deeper yearnings behind anger, why we should evaluate our reactive tendencies, and how to gain the benefits of clarity.
• “When you communicate any feeling skillfully, it is because you have been able to connect to its gifts.” (1:35-1:42 | Alejandra)
• “If we use the analogy of a tree, your thoughts are the leaves. Your feelings are like the branches that are held by something deeper. The roots of feelings are its gifts.” (2:32-2:44 | Alejandra)
• “Sometimes anger is pointing to what your heart is yearning for, such as love, appreciation, collaboration. Other times, you will find that anger is clearly asking you to attend to needs such as respect, equality, consideration, or safety. I noticed that in certain situations, when I feel angry, I long for reciprocity of care, yet sometimes when I feel angry, I need space and autonomy. And in other circumstances, I want equality, peace, or an end to suffering for all. Once you become clear about what your needs or values are, you can make conscious decisions to take steps towards fulfilling them.” (3:05-3:53 | Alejandra)
• “One of the gifts of anger is clarity. Anger lets you see what's important for you to talk about or what action you need to take.” (7:10-7:22 | Alejandra)
• “Next time you feel angry, feel the feeling, and then learn to do the alchemical work of distilling anger until you can experience either or both gifts of clarity and strength.” (10:40-10:56 | Alejandra)
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Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI