202. What to Say When Someone Makes a Hurtful Comment

In this episode, Alejandra Siroka explores one of the most courageous communication skills in the Multicultural Communication and Belonging series: how to hold someone accountable for hurtful words without shaming them.

Drawing on the work of Loretta Ross, professor, human rights activist, and founding architect of the reproductive justice movement, Alejandra introduces the practice of Calling In, a way of responding to harmful comments that holds both love and human dignity as equal partners in the conversation.

Alejandra opens with a vivid scenario many listeners will recognize: a Sunday family lunch interrupted by a derogatory comment about immigrants, and the intense ten seconds that follow for everyone at the table. Through this story, she explains how most of us learned to respond, if we do say anything at all.

The episode then moves into the heart of the practice itself, walking through the difference between calling out, which shames and invites defensiveness, and calling in, which leads with curiosity and keeps the door to real dialogue open.

Alejandra offers concrete examples to show what Calling In sounds like.

Whether you have gone quiet in the face of a hurtful comment and carried that silence with you, or you are ready to find language that holds accountability and love side by side, this episode gives you a grounded and practical path forward.

Quotes

• "Staying silent is not a matter of protecting our sense of safety. No, it's a matter of protecting our sense of comfort." (06:33 | Alejandra Siroka)
• " Calling out doesn't teach anything. It shuts the conversation down, and it initiates fights. When we call someone out, it's a perfect invitation to defend themselves instead of inviting them to reflect on what they've just said." (08:09 | Alejandra Siroka)
• " Calling in is rooted in curiosity instead of certainty about someone's intentions. It's also anchored in vulnerability, letting the other person see that what they just said or what they did, actually affected you because it also impacts others. It also uses compassionate communication for them and for yourself.” (15:17 | Alejandra Siroka)
• " Calling in is not about tolerating harm. It means choosing to communicate deliberately to hold both accountability and love side by side in your heart." (16:42 | Alejandra Siroka)
• "  Keeping ourselves quiet in the face of harmful language is not neutral. It's a choice that keeps us comfortable and perpetuates harm." (17:45 | Alejandra Siroka)

To leave a review on Apple Podcasts, click: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-language-alchemy-podcast/id1576461366

To leave a review on Spotify, click: https://open.spotify.com/show/5yTj9hSotq8EAjPCYg2jYw?si=aQNuoStRQomTNUKHGSD56A&nd=1&dlsi=064dcb42ba8d4706

To work with Alejandra, visit: www.languagealchemy.com/workwithme

To join the Language Alchemy mailing list, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/mailinglist

To ask questions you'd like Alejandra to answer in the podcast, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion

To find out about 1:1 transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/oneonone

To find out about couple transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/couples

To schedule a reduced-rate coaching consultation with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/newclient

To follow Alejandra on instagram follow @languagealchemy

Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqD