193. Stop Waiting for Others to Change How They Communicate

Hard conversations often reveal an uncomfortable truth: we are still asking other people to do the emotional work, which deters our own growth and capacity to tap into our confidence.

This episode centers on a powerful shift in perspective: the realization that many adults still relate to conflict from a younger emotional position, especially when they are waiting for someone else to create safety, calm, or connection for them.

Alejandra Siroka explores how that pattern can show up through blame, emotional dependence, resentment, or the belief that peace will arrive once the other person finally changes.

What are you handing over when your inner stability depends on someone else’s tone, reaction, or approval?
What becomes possible when you stop organizing the relationship around that hope?

Alejandra then offers a more grounded path by inviting listeners to reconnect with their inner environment and speak from lived experience instead of accusation.

The shift opens space for greater honesty, clearer requests, and a deeper sense of agency. Rather than waiting for another person to create the conditions for connection, the episode asks listeners to explore how to connect to themselves and find the emotional regulation or inner resourcing they need.

Quotes

“When our primary motivation in relationships is for the other person to change how they communicate so that you can feel better, safer, more at ease, more seen, then we are relating to that person from the perspective of a child.” (03:11 | Alejandra Siroka)

“We learned the language of, you did this to me. What did we learn there? To externalize our inner world and place it in the hands of another person.” (06:24 | Alejandra Siroka)

“We grew into adults who believed that if the other person would just change, we would finally be okay.” (06:51 | Alejandra Siroka)

“Adult communication means taking responsibility for your growth while also inviting the other person into a genuine partnership.” (19:29 | Alejandra Siroka)

“Every time you choose to turn inward before you turn outward, every time you choose to own your feelings instead of outsourcing them, you are doing something quite radical.” (20:49 | Alejandra Siroka)

Links

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Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqD