189. Break Free from Stuck Patterns in Your Marriage

What happens when love stays strong but silence and self-protection quietly run the relationship?

After more than two decades together, Laurie Kubicek and Kimberly Khare reached a moment many long-term couples recognize but struggle to name. Care and commitment were still present, yet familiar patterns kept pulling them into quiet withdrawal, unspoken frustration, and the feeling that there was something missing. In conversation with Alejandra Siroka, they reflect on how communication habits formed early in life shaped the way they spoke, listened, and related to each other, often without realizing it.

This episode explores core relational values like safety and connection and how they can quietly work at cross purposes. Laurie and Kimberly share how tracking each other instead of themselves led to assumptions, faux feelings, and stories that felt true but created distance. The work shifted when the focus moved toward understanding their own patterns, instead of giving all their energy to wanting their spouse to change. From there, they began to notice things to avoid, such as staying silent to keep the peace or speaking from prediction rather than clarity, while also exploring language that helped them reconnect with their own inner experience first.

What becomes possible when you slow down and name what you are actually feeling rather than what you assume the other person is doing? How often does silence feel easier in the moment but cost more over time? This conversation invites listeners to consider how long-lasting love deepens through awareness, responsibility, and a willingness to look inward before reaching across the table.

Quotes

“I really want to be clear about my intention and that my intention is to love you. And that means to grow and to stretch and to learn about myself and to learn what you need that I may not be clear about, but gosh, I want to do the work.” (07:36 | Kimberly)

“There was both a large gap, a disconnection that I felt really deeply. And then the other thing I felt was this circle, this rut that we would just slip into so fast and then all of a sudden it's just not going anywhere.” (9:05 | Lorrie)

“My pattern that I learned about is I tend to track with other people in a way that I prioritize that over tracking with myself.” (11:51 | Kimberly)

“If you haven't been your authentic self and I haven't been my authentic self, in some of these moments that may have more charge or conflict, well, then we are creating a narrative that now I'm working with.” (12:58 | Kimberly)

“One of the things that was so sad and enlightening at the same time was I realized how disconnected I was from myself. And from even knowing that I didn't know.” (23:24 | Lorrie) “

Links
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Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqD

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm