185. How to Respond to Passive-Aggressive Communication (Without Losing Your Mind). Passive Aggression, Part 4
Passive aggression loses its power when you learn how to meet it with clarity, steadiness and communication grounded in your own values.
This episode gets right to the question so many people carry: what do you do when someone’s indirect comment leaves you confused, tense or unsure how to respond? Alejandra talks about the inner experience behind passive aggression and why it often reflects fear, discomfort or a lack of skill rather than intentional harm. That insight becomes the entry point for a more grounded response. What if your goal isn’t to decode their tone but to stay centered in your own values? What opens up when you stop chasing reassurance and instead hold steady?
From there, Alejandra shares practical ways to keep conversations from spiraling. Remain neutral so you don’t absorb someone else’s emotional load. Name the mismatch you notice when words and tone don’t align. Set firm boundaries when the pattern continues. Acknowledge directness when it finally emerges. Each tool protects your peace and creates enough clarity for honest dialogue to become possible.
Throughout the episode, she returns to discernment. Not every moment calls for analysis or engagement. Things to avoid are overexplaining, internalizing someone else’s feelings or taking vague comments as truth. Try to be aware of what the relationship can hold and what your own capacity permits. The heart of the conversation is simple. You cannot control someone else’s communication, yet you can respond with intention and create interactions that feel more grounded, respectful and real.
Quotes
- “Let's start by acknowledging that you have no control of how others communicate.You can't make someone communicate directly if they're not ready, they don't know how, or at the very least, they're not willing to express what they feel, want, need, or value.” (04:55 | Alejandra Siroka)
- “We always have the discernment and the responsibility to choose how to respond when others communicate with us. And you have the power to create the conditions that make direct communication more possible.” (05:20 | Alejandra Siroka)
- “You can think of passive-aggressive communication as smoke signals. The person is trying to tell you something, but they don't know how to do it directly.” (07:45 | Alejandra Siroka)
- “Your job isn't to decode the message perfectly or to fix their communication. What you need to do instead is to respond in a way that's aligned with your values and to invite, but not demand, more authentic communication.” (07:54 | Alejandra Siroka)
- “Passive aggression will not change overnight, but if you respect your own boundaries and you hold yourself and the other person with compassion, the boundaries can guide the other person to communicate more directly with you.” (15:54 | Alejandra Siroka)
Links
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Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqD
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm
