175. Breaking Free from the Mental Spin Cycle - Why 'Being the Better Person' Backfires (And What Actually Works)
Trying to be the better person in a conflict might be the very thing keeping you stuck and silently seething.
Alejandra Siroka takes a closer look at what really happens when we avoid hard conversations in the name of maturity or keeping the peace. This episode explores the spin cycle, that mental loop we fall into when unresolved conflict plays on repeat, and offers a more meaningful way forward using values-based communication. Avoiding the conversation might feel like the safer choice, but at what cost to your sense of self?
Through her Language AlchemyÂŽ approach, Alejandra outlines a practice that begins with honest self-awareness and leads into speaking from your core values rather than judgment or resentment. She poses thoughtful questions to help shift the way we think about conflict: What does your value of integrity ask of you right now? What would it sound like to speak with respect for both yourself and the other person?
Youâll also hear a story about Priya, a client who spent years feeling quietly dismissed by her mother-in-law until she finally expressed herself in a way that honored her values and opened the door to mutual understanding. This episode is an invitation to move out of mental spinning and into honest, grounded communication without losing yourself along the way.
Quotes
- âThese ideas about being the better person can actually add another layer of pressure. Because they suggest that if we were truly evolved or mature, we would simply rise above the conflict without addressing the underlying issues.â (03:41 | Alejandra Siroka)
- âWhen they apply forced niceness to their communication, theyâre being inauthentic. And inauthenticity doesnât feel good at all.â (05:54 | Alejandra Siroka)
- âWhen we transform how we communicate in our personal relationships, we are actually contributing to a larger shift in human consciousness. Every time we choose values-based communication over reactive patterns, weâre not just healing our own conflicts, we are modeling a new way of being that ripples out into the world.â (09:33 | Alejandra Siroka)
- âInstead of asking ourselves, âHow do I make this person change?â We need to ask, âHow do I show up as the person I want to be in this situation?ââ (10:42 | Alejandra Siroka)
- âWhen we stop trying to be the better person and start being our authentic selves grounded in our own values, we create the possibility for real resolution and genuine connection.â (17:56 | Alejandra Siroka)
Links
To leave a review on Apple Podcasts, click: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-language-alchemy-podcast/id1576461366
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To work with Alejandra, visit: www.languagealchemy.com/workwithme
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To find out about 1:1 transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/oneonone
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Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqD