175. Breaking Free from the Mental Spin Cycle - Why 'Being the Better Person' Backfires (And What Actually Works)

Trying to be the better person in a conflict might be the very thing keeping you stuck and silently seething.

Alejandra Siroka takes a closer look at what really happens when we avoid hard conversations in the name of maturity or keeping the peace. This episode explores the spin cycle, that mental loop we fall into when unresolved conflict plays on repeat, and offers a more meaningful way forward using values-based communication. Avoiding the conversation might feel like the safer choice, but at what cost to your sense of self?

Through her Language Alchemy® approach, Alejandra outlines a practice that begins with honest self-awareness and leads into speaking from your core values rather than judgment or resentment. She poses thoughtful questions to help shift the way we think about conflict: What does your value of integrity ask of you right now? What would it sound like to speak with respect for both yourself and the other person?

You’ll also hear a story about Priya, a client who spent years feeling quietly dismissed by her mother-in-law until she finally expressed herself in a way that honored her values and opened the door to mutual understanding. This episode is an invitation to move out of mental spinning and into honest, grounded communication without losing yourself along the way.

Quotes

• “These ideas about being the better person can actually add another layer of pressure. Because they suggest that if we were truly evolved or mature, we would simply rise above the conflict without addressing the underlying issues.” (03:41 | Alejandra Siroka)
• “When they apply forced niceness to their communication, they’re being inauthentic. And inauthenticity doesn’t feel good at all.” (05:54 | Alejandra Siroka)
• “When we transform how we communicate in our personal relationships, we are actually contributing to a larger shift in human consciousness. Every time we choose values-based communication over reactive patterns, we’re not just healing our own conflicts, we are modeling a new way of being that ripples out into the world.” (09:33 | Alejandra Siroka)
• “Instead of asking ourselves, ‘How do I make this person change?’ We need to ask, ‘How do I show up as the person I want to be in this situation?’” (10:42 | Alejandra Siroka)
• “When we stop trying to be the better person and start being our authentic selves grounded in our own values, we create the possibility for real resolution and genuine connection.” (17:56 | Alejandra Siroka)

Links

To leave a review on Apple Podcasts, click: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-language-alchemy-podcast/id1576461366

To leave a review on Spotify, click: https://open.spotify.com/show/5yTj9hSotq8EAjPCYg2jYw?si=aQNuoStRQomTNUKHGSD56A&nd=1&dlsi=064dcb42ba8d4706

To work with Alejandra, visit: www.languagealchemy.com/workwithme

To join the Language Alchemy® mailing list, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com

To ask questions you'd like Alejandra to answer in the podcast, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion

To find out about 1:1 transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/oneonone

To find out about couple transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/couples

To schedule a reduced-rate coaching consultation with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/newclient

To follow Alejandra on instagram follow @languagealchemy

Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqD

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm