Quieting the Inner Interrogator
The beginning of the year found you contemplating new actions you want to take. You can feel a certain kind of electricity in your body when you consider the kind of experiences you can have if you take action.
In your Heart, you know that if you take these actions you will connect to the richness of life.
And in an instant, that sense of electricity gets dimmed. Your inner knowing is overpowered by a familiar inner voice I call the Inner Interrogator.
This inner interrogator puts into question the longings and desires of your authentic self.
Your authentic self is constantly inviting you to experience the fullness of life, even if that means going through some discomfort.
Sometimes the interrogator uses verbally abusive techniques such as labelling you and reiterating paralyzing beliefs you repeatedly heard during your first decade of life.
I love helping people understand their inner dialogue and dissolve or quiet their inner interrogators.
In my work, my clients share the scripts of their inner interrogators.
The interrogator’s messages are usually unconscious and often debilitating. And they seem to get louder whenever people want to take greater risks towards authentic self-expression.
Have you noticed that in yourself, too? I have noticed it in everyone, including myself.
I want to share with you what I experienced recently with my inner interrogator and then give you a roadmap so that you can work with it.
Seeing how hard it is to unlearn decades of habitual language patterns of self-doubt, I knew we have to start learning a new language at younger age. My Heart imagined a world where moms could teach their babies how to have an internal dialogue of compassion, kindness and capacity.
It became clear in my Heart that I wanted to offer classes to mothers and babies. And can you guess what happened?
The inner interrogator showed up.
This self-doubting voice in my head asked me how could I dare do that if I was not a mother myself. Who did I think I was? Did I really have what it takes to contribute to mothers?
These questions were very familiar to me. So, I knew it was an invitation to go within, much deeper than these questions and thoughts.
Going deeper meant quieting my inner interrogator by understanding what was underneath the questions. At the core, the energy underneath these familiar questions there was a simple feeling of fear.
I let myself feel the fear and of course, like any other feeling, it transformed into something else. This transformation brought forth a sensation of quietness. I knew well that I was now ready to give space to the Voice in my Heart.
The voice in my Heart, let me feel into what mattered to me. It let me connect to my longing to be of service to human beings from the beginning of their lives. Being able to listen to my heart’s longings was very moving.
Once I rooted myself in those longings, the actions unfolded naturally. In fact, the steps to follow seemed and proved to be very doable. They were not scary at all.
I reached out to my dear friend and colleague Caroline Griswold of Fertile Ground Parenting. I consider her an expert in helping parents communicate with their children consciously. I asked her to join forces and offer classes for mothers and their babies. She said yes.
Last year we launched an 8-week course called Raising Children Lovingly. We heard such beautiful feedback from the moms who attended it that we’re offering this course for the third time since we started 8 months ago!
Hearing about Raising Children Lovingly prompted a mom in San Francisco to call us to teach to a group of moms of older children. She wanted us to create the space for moms to talk about their experience of parenting in a deep, conscious and compassionate way.
In March, we start this class called Meaningful Mothering!
See, if I had listened to the Inner Interrogator only, none of this would have happened.
Giving more airtime to the voice of the Heart rather than the inner interrogator is hard work - any of my clients can attest to that! Yet, the fulfillment, joy, peace and deep sense of aliveness that come with it is beautiful and worthwhile.
You are probably wondering by now, how do you quiet your inner interrogator? How do you learn to listen to the voice of your Heart?
Let me break down the steps I use to quiet the inner interrogator so that you can experiment with them.
Let’s say that you would really like to deepen your sense of connection with others. Here would be your steps:
1. Write down your specific intentions.
I want to deepen my connection with my friends by the summer.
2. Write down the values underneath those intentions.
Closeness, intimacy, authenticity, friendship, listening, being heard, love, joy, companionship.
3. Write down the questions and objections that you hear from your inner interrogator.
Don’t you remember you’ve always been shy? I don’t know how to belong. People don’t get me.
4. Write down the longings of your heart.
I want others to know me and I want to know others in a real way. I want to learn to accept others and see what it would be like to feel accepted. I want to take the risk of being authentic and love others for their authenticity.
5. Visualize the realization of your longings and the steps you need to take to get there.
Don't skip this very important step!
6. Write your steps.
I need to learn to be with my own feeling of awkwardness. I need to look at my habit of criticizing others. I need tools to keep my heart open when I hear uncomfortable feedback.
7. Map out your steps.
Research workshops, read books and articles, look for support, talk to people I admire who I think have the experiences I long to have.
8. Put your steps from small to big on your calendar to gradually increase the momentum.
9. Enjoy the fruit of taking conscious action.
I’m wishing you a year a commitment, determination and trust in your capacity to learn to quiet your inner interrogator and listen to the Voice of your Heart. As usual, let me know how it goes. I write for you and I would love to know how this was of service to you.